I WAS NOT BRAVE ENOUGH

I WAS NOT BRAVE ENOUGH

Shengliver’s Note: This entry was first posted a couple of years ago. In it, my reader will read about a teen’s reaction to a suicide around her. The entry is credited to Zhang Xueting, the teen writer.

 

Today when I came into the classroom, my partner asked, “Did you hear the news? It is said that a student in our school committed suicide two days ago.” “Really?” I couldn’t believe it. My classmate added, “It is said that the student jumped down from a tall building and died.” Although the news hadn’t been confirmed, I was astonished to hear it.

 

Looking back on my childhood, when I was aware of death, I often wanted to commit suicide. As a child, I thought that if people died, they would get freedom and could lead a happy life in another world. They wouldn’t need to do homework or be criticised by their moms. The happiest thing was that they could live in heaven, which was beautiful and pleasant in my mind then. Luckily, although I used to be so childish, I didn’t do the stupid thing.

 

As time went by, I became a teenager. I didn’t give up the thought that I wanted to kill myself. During some stages of my high school, I was struggling my way through a hard period, where I thought I was mired in some insurmountable difficulties. Study was boring, people cold, society cruel, and I worthless. I couldn’t understand some guys’ behaviour and some events, which were totally beyond my imagination. Death might help me get rid of it all. Fortunately, I was not brave enough to end my life.

 

Now, at the threshold of adulthood, I have come to see that life is not always what you want it to be. You can learn to accept something, but if you don’t want to do so, just ignoring it is also a good idea. Thanks to my lack of bravery, I can still live in this world.

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